Depression

It’s a slippery slope, sometimes you mess something up, mundane as it can be, but for days and weeks at a time it will eat at you.  You try something new, just for it to flop hard.  You watch as others succeed and convince yourself that it was just luck in their favor.  This one’s for you, lovable losers, written by one of your own.  This is for when you think you’re better than you are, and life gives you a hard dose of reality in the form of failure.  For lack of a better phrase, sometimes you just go bitch mode.

I’ve been down lately, my shirts don’t sell, nobody reads my stuff, and work feels like it’s just a constant kick in the nuts. Granted, I haven’t written much lately, so I guess it’s my own fault, but I’ve pored some work into some other stuff with no results.  Same with the shirts, seems to me I just kind of suck.  So yeah… feeling the bitch mode lately.

But I’m writing this because sometimes you just gotta give yourself a little pity party before dusting yourself off and going back into the breach.  I like to reflect back on my failures of the past and think through how I got the hell over it and kept at it anyways.  Being the fat and nerdy kid growing up really solidified my resolve when faced with a personal dilemma.  It seemed like every time life gave me some kind of fucked up obstacle I was able to get right the hell over it.  No matter how many doors slammed in my face I just kept kicking them open, bypassing them, or picking the lock.

This isn’t about bragging, or talking about how I overcame problems, this is just some reflection for whoever the hell decides to read through this, possibly facing the same thing, just keep at it.  Fuck it, don’t quit, just keep pounding your knuckles against that problem, or that obstacle.  Keep fighting through this shit, cause someone out there has it harder, and someone out there has it easier, but none of that matters because this is you.  You are responsible for fighting your own fight and making it better, don’t get stuck in that bitch mode.

My depression has always been mild, but it most definitely has always been there.  If you’re out there feeling like that, I’m here to tell you you’re not alone. Sometimes it feels like it’s a big lie, like you’re kidding yourself when you say you have value, but do it anyways.  You just have to be willing to give the world the finger for shitting on you, take the good with the bad and deal.

So yeah, this post is just me giving the world the finger, cause I’m not going to be a whiny bitch.  I’m better than this, and I’m gonna fight through it.