Mr. Musk,
First and foremost, thank you for taking the time to read this letter. My site is modest, and I’m honored to have an audience with you. The purpose of this open letter is to illustrate some unique opportunities in advertising for your remarkable automobile. There are a few unique factors that contribute to this highly controversial, but potentially lucrative, advertising method and I ask that you take it into serious consideration. Mr. Musk, my proposal is that you use videos, Social Media, and mere presence marketing on some of the sites with highest online traffic around; streaming porn sites.
As goes porn so goes technology
It would be ridiculous to ignore the monumental influence that porn has had on the tech industry. Porn has been around since the days of cave paintings, it speaks to the primitive part of our brains, and has used that conduit to motivate the more sophisticated sides of our consciousness. Much like alcohol dampens our inhibitions, porn dampens our ability to think rationally. Advertisers have been using sex, in the form of erotic pictures, to tap into our subconscious for years, it’s a hell of an efficient practice.
Mr. Musk, embrace the sexually charged atmosphere of the motor vehicles of old with your new take on transportation. The sleek body, the luxurious style, and of course that wonderful auto drive feature scream out to the deviants in all of us. Waves have already been made with a pornographic video featuring this feature, why not expand on the line? Use mere marketing, and sprinkle those features in various genre of porn to tap into a global audience. You don’t even have to really advertise, just give a couple of your old models to some low budget, popular porn producers like brazzers, fake taxi, or reality kings.
Hitting the hierarchy of human motivation
As an advanced and brilliant engineer, you know the complexities of the machines you make, and the simplicities of human motivation. Luckily for you, using porn as a medium for your advertising campaign, you can hit every level of the hierarchy of human motivation.
Porn’s got it all. Physiological, first and foremost. Safety, what cradles the fragile male ego more than porn? Social, I see people mashing ugly bits, check. Esteem, as fake as it is, porn gives it’s viewers a sense of belonging and attention. Self actualization, you can say that porn definitely makes people do things. Suffice to say, we’ve checked all the boxes, giving porn the title of undisputed heavy weight champ of human brain hacks.
(thanks https://www.electricon.it/)
Last, but definitely not least is humor. Although it’s not officially in the hierarchy of motivation, humor serves as a universal concept that brings all walks of life together… who doesn’t like a good laugh? Of all the things going for it Tesla cars have a certain charm in the humor that they bring a stuffy industry like the automotive industry does, especially when you couple that with sexual misadventures.
C’mon Elon, break the confines of this boring ass advertising box everyone uses, and take a chance like you did on Rogan, cause we all love you for that. You have shaken the world of tech to its core, now shake off those moral shackles and do something different with advertising… advertise your safety features on some porn man.
Saving us from ourselves
You’ve gotta do this Elon, we’re all counting on you to make this Tesla thing a success. Nobody wants this thing to fail, so you’ve gotta get some mass appeal, if not I’m pretty sure humanity is doomed. Your innovation and ingenuity are one of the few things that can change the terminal glide path that society is riding all the way into a hot death.
thanks © John Novis for @EverydayClimateChange
So come on, live a little. Get that auto pilot up and running, maybe add adjustable blackout tinting, and fully reclining seats to the mix to really get things popping. Let’s get some mirrors on the ceiling, and maybe some mood lighting to set things in motion. Hopefully with some of these modifications, and our creative advertising techniques, more potential buyers will saddle up to the idea. Don’t do it for me Mr. Musk, do it for the betterment of man kind.
Sincerely,
The friendly folks of Caffeinated Face-Punch
Caffeinated Face Punch 